tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19221190229449948162024-03-18T23:58:34.267-04:00Considering LiliesAmy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919917268741058474noreply@blogger.comBlogger469125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922119022944994816.post-29174813697086738592018-02-01T00:38:00.000-05:002018-02-01T00:38:00.838-05:00Surrender<div dir="ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span data-mce-mark="1" style="box-sizing: border-box;">My God, I do not know what must come to me today.</span>But I am certain that nothing can happen to me <br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />that you have not foreseen, decreed, and ordained from all eternity.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />That is sufficient for me.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I adore your impenetrable and eternal designs,<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />to which I submit with all my heart.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I desire, I accept them all, and I unite my sacrifice<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />to that of Jesus Christ, my divine Savior.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I ask in his name and through his infinite merits,<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />patience in my trials, and perfect and entire submission<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />to all that comes to me by your good pleasure.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Amen.</div>
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<span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-style: italic;"><span data-mce-mark="1" style="box-sizing: border-box;">—</span><span data-mce-mark="1" style="box-sizing: border-box;">St. Joseph Pignatelli, SJ</span></span></div>
Amy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919917268741058474noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922119022944994816.post-78886698413646422782017-01-10T20:46:00.000-05:002017-01-10T21:20:21.276-05:00Figures of the True<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This afternoon I looked outside of my bedroom window and though it was still daylight, I could see the moon clearly in the sky. It's interesting how you can see the moon so clearly some days while others days she stays hidden until the sun has set. On most days, the sky must be dark before the moon can be coaxed out into the open to grace the evening.<br />
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I felt there must be something that could be learned in observing this simple daylight moon, because in my experience, God has used nature, the skies, animals, relationships, seasons, science, art, music... all of these things, and so many more, to teach me, to cause me to sit up straight and pay attention, because they are all strands and loops of a giant, brilliant tapestry of grace.<br />
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The moon and the stars are like God in this way: You might not always see them, but you know they are always there. Amy Carmichael used to call these types of comparisons "figures of the true," these metaphors from nature that speak to the majesty and attributes of God. All around us, everywhere we look, are reminders of who He is.<br />
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Amy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919917268741058474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922119022944994816.post-85584460626117098182016-04-08T14:57:00.001-04:002016-04-08T15:02:45.106-04:00Prophetic Paint on Blank Canvases<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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A couple of weeks ago, I called up and asked my dear friend Antonio to paint the vision I had in my mind. I explained to him that it was a swirling around of the concepts of <i>hope</i> and <i>manna</i>. God has me camped out on these two words, and what they represent in my life right now. Let's just say I am paying extra special attention to discovering the reality of these two things as they occur in my life.<br />
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Anchors, traditionally speaking, are symbols of hope. So, I explained that I wanted there to be manna (a concept of daily gathering and trusting God for provision for all our daily needs) and hope, in this painting.<br />
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This is the beauty that came from that amazing conversation.<br />
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I can't wait to hang in in my bedroom, where I see it first thing every morning, as a reminder for me of the truth captured on that canvas in acrylic paint.<br />
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Antonio told me that he felt impressed to paint me leaving the manna and entering the Promised Land, where my ultimate Hope, Jesus, is. So much for me to think about. Powerful images.<br />
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Anyway, I just thought I'd share that here.<br />
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~AmyAmy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919917268741058474noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922119022944994816.post-28679731338212073012016-03-10T10:19:00.001-05:002016-03-10T10:22:37.783-05:00It Is WellI've been focusing a lot on two words since the beginning of 2016: Hope and Manna.<br />
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Both of these things are precious, and both of them have to be gathered daily. Whatever amount of hope or manna you have for today, it won't sustain you tomorrow. Tomorrow you'll need new hope and new manna.<br />
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Both come directly from God. He loves us and provides for us and fortifies our bodies and souls with good things.<br />
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Neither of these things come naturally but making a habit of cultivating both will dramatically change your life.<br />
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I am anticipating one more "word" from God before the year is done. I'm not certain why, but I have a deeply felt impression that this will be so. I'm keeping my eyes and heart open, and trying to develop a quiet spirit within myself, so that I may hear when He speaks.<br />
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That's really all for now. I have a stack of books I want to get read and a bookshelf I need to reorganize and a vet appointment this afternoon for our Phoebe. Lots going on. And I've been dealing with a good bit of pain, but honestly- really and truly- it is well with my soul.<br />
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It is well.<br />
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~AmyAmy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919917268741058474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922119022944994816.post-10996670038609704622015-12-10T18:59:00.000-05:002015-12-10T21:11:27.354-05:00Moving Forward, Honoring the PastI don't like talking on the phone. At all. I mean, I do it if I have to; I can schedule appointments and I manage to answer if it's my mom or dad- mostly... But in general, I despair over phone calls and wish people would learn how to text instead. That's what phones are FOR, in my opinion.<br />
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So it is a small miracle that I have friends like myself, who hate phones, and yet, we can talk to each other just fine. I got a text message from a new{ish} friend I called yesterday to ask for advice. It seemed easier to call than try to text the whole debacle, so I called. Today, she sent me a text message telling me that even though she hates talking on the phone, she felt completely comfortable talking to me, like she had known me for years.<br />
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This made me think, because it is the same way for my bestie, Cara. She also hates phones, but we have had phone calls that were hours long.<br />
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She also reminded me today that one time we went shopping in the mall so I could buy this lovely candle that Cara had in her home and I adored... and how this girl that worked there sort of followed me around, telling me her life story. I was able to ask her about her beliefs and she opened up about all kinds of things, and I don't even know her! {Cara ran away and hid, avoiding eye contact. She can never be my wing man because she would never rescue me.} Hahaha.<br />
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I hope this doesn't come out conceited at all, because that is truly not how I mean it- but I wonder if this is a gift from God, meant to be used for His glory. The truth is, I am rather awkward socially, and while I try to be kind and show I care, I sometimes come across as pushy, or difficult, or "intense." Which of course makes me the opposite of easy to talk to.<br />
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I have been praying for about a year that God would help me to develop gentleness of heart. I hope what I am seeing is the first fruits. I can occasionally be a bit curmudgeonly. But kindness goes a long way and gentleness is a rare gem in a world that is abrasive, harsh and loud. I used to think I needed to be the loudest voice to be heard, but I am learning that lowering my voice and keeping it steady has a gentling, calming effect, sometimes on an entire group, that I was heretofore unaware of.<br />
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I am so far from what I wish I was. I feel deeply sorry for times I have been angry, difficult, frustrated and frustrating to others. I attended a small bible study group over the past year or so and went through so many challenges to my health that it made me really struggle spiritually, and I think sometimes, I really frustrated the group. I dominated the discussion time and kept turning everything back to me. I see this in hindsight. At the time I was just hurt and angry. I didn't understand what God was doing, letting me be so sick that I was struggling to do basic self care.<br />
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I wish those people could know how terribly sorry I am for all that. For all the times I spoke without thinking. I feel bad about it, but I feel the best way I can honor them {and God} is to change the way I approach conversation. So it is encouraging to me that there are people who are finding me a safe place to come to to share their hearts and lives. That is a blessing.<br />
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It also never occurred to me that while I wasn't in a bad place, meeting with and worshiping with these precious folks, I may have been in the wrong place for me. I am now on a new journey, still seeking God, but in different ways. I wish every one of those people the very best. I learned so much from all of them, even when it wasn't pretty. <br />
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<br />Amy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919917268741058474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922119022944994816.post-963742848283026532015-11-02T15:54:00.001-05:002015-11-02T15:56:57.072-05:00The stuff I'm made ofHalloween was a lot of fun for my family. My oldest son, Andrew, is dating a sweet girl named Amanda, and she is an amazing make-up artist, so she did all of our make up and transformed us into a family of zombies. <br />
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It was the first time we have taken them trick-or-treating since Andrew was about 3. My kids had a blast. Even our tiny Ella Grace was thrilled to get FREE CANDY from perfect strangers.<br />
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And while I loved it, I admit, I felt a tiny twinge. I've been recoiling a bit from all the blood and gore and violence so constantly bombarding us on television. It hurts me. I feel bad that my kiddos have been subjected to so much of it. At the same time, I know this was make believe and only for one night, and I don't want to be the kind of parent that responds from a place of fear. I just want to shine a light on dark things.<br />
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So, I'm not sure how to feel. I am definitely conflicted about this.<br />
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I have prayed many times for God to make me sensitive, and I am guessing this is one of the ways that prayer has become manifest. I am going to choose to use it as an opportunity to talk to my kiddos about it.<br />
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I don't mean for this post to be a downer, it's just where I am. I know all this sensitivity stuff is part of the unique spiritual DNA I have received from my Father and I know I am supposed to weave this strand of goodness into my parenting, into my marriage, into my friendships. I am not going to shush it up, I am going to present it with gentleness and for the beautiful thing it can be.<br />
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I believe that while at one time I considered my sensitivity to be an enormous burden, now I realize that it is a gift, and it is meant to be unwrapped with wonder. So maybe this whole experience has been good for me, because it was the perfect backdrop for me to ponder all these things in a somewhat controlled setting, and it's given me new, creative wonder to go forth and spread all around. Especially on my family. It's part of how I love with the tenderest parts of my soul.<br />
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In other news, I have ALMOST completed my book challenge for the year. I think I have 3 or 4 books left. I can totally do this. So far, of all the books I have read this year, Bandersnatch, by Erika Morrison, was the most life changing for me. I highly recommend it and I'd love to discuss it with y'all if you do. It's really magical stuff.<br />
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And being November, I am participating in #31daysofgratitude. I usually post my snippets of gratefulness over on Facebook, but I'll share today's here:<br />
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<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption">Today, I am grateful for tiny little piggies to paint pink. Ella Grace is a pistol, but she is also adorable. <a class="_58cn" data-ft="{"tn":"*N","type":104}" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/31daysofgratitude">#31daysofgratitude</a><br /> <a class="_58cn" data-ft="{"tn":"*N","type":104}" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/day2">#day2</a></span></span><br />
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I have a good, good life.<br />
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What are YOU grateful for today? Jump in, wherever you are!!<br />
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~Amy<br />
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<br />Amy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919917268741058474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922119022944994816.post-67465135188892185432015-09-28T18:18:00.002-04:002015-09-28T18:20:23.195-04:00Bravery and Unleashing the Real DealI find it terribly ironic that while I have tried valiantly over the past four years NOT to allow myself to become the disease I have, I have more or less defined myself by <i>exactly</i> these parameters. I think in terms of how I will feel physically in any given situation, possible adventure, or any outing whatever. I have lost a good large chunk of who <i>I am</i> to what<i> I have</i>.<br />
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As a result, and I know this sounds ludicrous, but it's as if I have forgotten the things I love, and stopped being the curious person I am; I have stopped pursuing hobbies; love affairs with photography and globs of paint smeared over blank canvases, waiting to become whatever is in my heart right in that very serendipitous moment. My writing- here, in this space, short stories I have never published, poetry and research... I have even stopped writing my customary lists, so that when I jump in with both feet and all my crazy curly hair, I have something to guide me on to the next thing.<br />
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I've stopped enjoying, relishing and adoring a hot bath with yummy bath salts and essential oils and instead have taken them dutifully, trying to reduce my swelling. I've stopped chewing my food slowly and thoughtfully; really paying attention to the flavor, the texture, the joy of a wholesome, well-prepared meal.<br />
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I am almost debilitatingly introverted, but my tendency to stop encouraging myself to venture out, to keep those coffee dates, to invest in and learn about new people with all their special, intriguing idiosyncrasies, well... It's beginning to look and feel like I'm shut in, cloistered from the real world. Intuitively, I know this is not the best way for me to continue. But I have been afraid.<br />
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I think that for so long, I have used wit and sarcasm and confrontation as tools to protect myself. I have not ventured far into the world of peace, of gentleness, grace, and kindness because I am afraid of being overrun, being taken advantage of or ignored. Is it really okay, at thirty six years of age, to have a temperament overhaul?<br />
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Okay or not, that's where I think I am headed. It's as if I've stopped wringing my hands, and I've stopped balling them into angry fists; I've stopped holding them out to keep people at tolerable distances away from me... I've dropped them, relaxed them... And then I have taken my own hand and led myself to this new place. I am holding my own hand and walking gently; softly, yet determinedly in a whole new direction. Inside, down deep, I am a sensitive, kind person. I want to encourage that part of me to emerge. I want to be brave.<br />
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I may not be able to run a marathon, but I could probably walk one, and why shouldn't I, if I'm so inclined? I was recently overtaken with a wild notion that I would love to go kayaking. It looks positively lovely. If Trever and I can golf together, I see no reason we couldn't kayak as well. I've begun reading fiction. I've always leaned toward non-fiction, though I am unsure why. Now, I want to discover something new and different. I want to continue my search for truth, but in new places. Well-written fiction can drop a revelatory bomb, and I want to be there, at ground zero. I want to be brave.<br />
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I want to buy recycling bins and do what I know is right even though it is not required in my state. I want to do my own little social experiment about one girl's journey to using less. I want to burn more candles and find quiet places whenever I can and make myself just absorb it instead of ever feeling I must fill it. I want to learn about new ways to love others; I want my relationships to grow in all the best ways, me growing in my perception of how others receive love best, even when it is not the easiest or most comfortable way for me to show it. I want to be brave.<br />
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I want to get memberships to the museums and renew my library card; I want to learn French and braille and American Sign Language. I want to study the skies; books stacked along my windowsills with manuals on astronomy; I want to identify constellations and know the lore behind them. I want to save my pennies until I can afford a really good telescope and then I want to spend more time out at night than every before. ;)<br />
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I want to look every single one of my children in the face and smile, every day. I want them to know that they make me happy; that I look at them and instantly feel love and joy.<br />
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I want to research and study and investigate this disease I have, and I want to be prepared when I go to my appointments to give accurate updates on my medications, my progress, and to ask good questions. I don't want to loathe spending time in a doctor's office, to feel on the precipice of despair, to exit overwhelmed with a feeling of defeat and a sad recognition that my life will likely not change.<br />
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To choose to believe I can (and will) still live a life of joy, of love, and of hope just might be the biggest act of bravery I can exercise.<br />
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I do believe. I am a brave girl.<br />
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I am unleashing the curious, studious, research-nerd; the soft spoken, gentle and kind; adventurous and courageous version of me. It's the me I have decided I want to be.<br />
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Here goes nothing.<br />
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Yours most TRULY,<br />
AmyAmy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919917268741058474noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922119022944994816.post-88224260983607033052015-09-22T14:16:00.002-04:002015-09-22T14:16:58.739-04:00Guest PostsThe greatly talented, gentle, kind-loving and luminous Patricia Hunter from Pollywog Creek has asked me to write a guest post on her new(ish) website, Encou{RA}ge. It is a lovely blog meant to bring encouragement to those with invisible diseases, like RA. Please check it out. You won't be sorry.<br />
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My post is <a href="http://patriciawhunter.blogspot.com/2015/09/in-battleencouragement-from-amys-story.html" target="_blank"><u><i><b>HERE</b></i></u></a>.<br />
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Please subscribe, like, comment and share.<br />
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Much love from the fight,<br />
Amy SmithAmy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919917268741058474noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922119022944994816.post-73614165588996580852015-09-16T15:11:00.001-04:002015-09-16T15:11:49.034-04:00Online JournalI seem to be a little fickle, as far as this blog goes. I go through periods where I write nearly every day for a month or more and then slow down to a complete stop for weeks. It's not intentional. There are a number of factors that influence these gaps, including illness. Sometimes, when I am feeling exceptionally unwell for a longer period of time, I don't feel I have much of anything good to contribute here. I don't want to be a grumbler, though I suppose there may be some who find there way here who are also struggling with chronic illness or some other such thing. Perhaps it would serve as a source of encouragement to know that other people struggle too.<br />
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So friends, I am struggling. The doctor's visits, the lab work, the pharmacy meltdowns, the insurance battles... it's all feeling overwhelming right now. I have such a hard time receiving refills in a timely manner and sometimes just a few days off of the medications cause me to have a flare. I lay in bed, feverish and swollen and miserable, and I wonder if it will always be this way, a girl with an incurable disease, enjoying only smallish times of relief and the rest of the time pain and misery.<br />
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It sounds bleak and depressing, I know. But it's truthful. I am all about being truthful.<br />
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Last week I was hit with the flu from Hell. I am finally, mostly recovered. My birthday is on Friday and we are driving down to Florida to spend the weekend with my parents, and I am so looking forward to that. She is going to make me lasagna and ceasar salad and Trever is making me a lemon pound cake with homemade lemon curd. I will be surrounded by my children, my parents, my sister... and it all sounds so lovely.<br />
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I have great hopes for the next year of my life.<br />
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Tomorrow I am meeting with Owen's kindergarten teacher for parent-teacher conferences. I am actually not dreading it as much as I thought I would.<br />
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But today I had to go to the DMV to get my license renewed before it expired on Friday. Nothing like getting down to the wire. The picture they took of me is dreadful and I will have to hold on to it for <i><b>eight years</b></i>. Sigh. One of these times I will get a good picture on a form of identification and I will be so thrilled I won't know what to do with myself.<br />
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Dylan and Riley have had football practices almost every week night and I sort of hate it. We have to go pick them up, Dylan at 6 and Riley sometimes as late as 7 (they go to different schools) and it messes up dinner times and feels late. It's DARK by the time they get home, and then of course they stink to high heaven and need to shower, do homework, eat something and go to bed. I barely get to talk with them. I am not used to that. They seem to love it though, and their games are on Thursdays... I missed their games two weeks in a row, the first week because I was visiting Cara in Oklahoma and the second because the flu had me in the throes of death. So I am hoping tomorrow will be a go, even though I generally avoid going out later in the day, as I am usually exhausted. I would still love to see them play. It sounds like Dylan is getting more play time than Riley, but Riley is maintaining a good attitude and hopeful he will improve and show his coach he is worthy of a starting position. I hope he does just that.<br /><br />I had a friend recommend several books to me because I am wanting to explore fiction and didn't know where to start. I've mostly read non-fiction my whole life. I ordered four of the books she suggested, and they should be here tomorrow, so I am looking forward to jumping in to a new genre. I need to finish up the last few books I need to complete my challenge for the year of 30 books. I think I am currently at 22.<br />
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I don't really have any life lesson or moral of the story here, I'm really using this space as a sort of online journal at this point, but I promise if I have anything deep or profound to share, I will. In the meantime, there is something to be said about JUST WRITING. I just need to.<br />
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I am feeling exceptionally groggy this afternoon, so I think I am going to attempt a nap. I am not a good sleeper; even worse at napping. I take sleep meds, which help, but I still wake up a lot. I feel tired a lot of the time, and honestly, I can't imagine what it would feel like to wake up feeling refreshed and NOT TIRED. I keep coffee in the house religiously. My doctor even recommended a stimulant for me once, to help me stay awake and alert throughout the day, but I just hated it. It made me feel like my heart was always racing and it stressed me out. There has got to be a better way, and just as soon as I find it, I will stop taking naps at 3pm. But for now....<br />
<br />Sleepily yours,<br />
AmyAmy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919917268741058474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922119022944994816.post-71469631163664413202015-08-07T22:36:00.002-04:002015-08-07T22:45:05.404-04:00Sincere IncohesiveI finished reading The Power of Your Words, by Robert Morris. All I can say really is I am glad I read it. It has made me much more mindful about the words I speak, the power words have to build up and encourage or tear down and destroy. I think that's a pretty important message.<br />
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Lately, I have been feeling so GOOD. I am so grateful for that. I have a tendency to overdo it when I am feeling good; I've been in my bed for nearly three years and now, all of a sudden, I am up and all over the place! I need to pace myself, I guess, but I just want to jump for JOY! The doctors say I have an incurable disease but it sure doesn't feel that way right now.<br />
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Sometimes I think I come here, or write in my gazillion journals, because I have so many words that they spill out, and honestly, I think they are a little overwhelming for my dear Trever. It's like I have mania all of a sudden. A holy fool. But it is like fire within me; I have to get it out lest I burn up and am consumed.<br />
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God is real. I know a lot of people don't think so, and I respect that. I just know it in my inmost being, I hear Him speak. Some might call that schizophrenia. :) But I really do hear voices, down deep in my heart. It isn't audible, it's a spirit thing, but I cannot deny it. He is there, and He loves me. He loves you too, dear reader.<br />
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I worry too much about my purpose. I don't want to squander talents. But I am going to leave that alone for a bit and keep it simple: Love God and love people. I've had a hard time loving people. Come to find out, it's because I wasn't loving God very well. Seems when I get that right, the people thing follows naturally. I try hard to fix things. I am a fixer, a nurturer, I want everyone to be okay and happy. But I have no power to do that. God does, so I go to Him, over and over. Only He heals, only He can intervene into our myopic worlds and provide whatever that thing is that we need most, and usually it's unconditional love.<br />
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I actually start to die, spiritually and physically, when I am not connected to Him intimately. In His presence is fullness of joy, joy that shines bright, even in a darkened room.<br />
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This post is not exactly cohesive, but it is sincere. These are the current thoughts of my heart.<br />
<br />
~Amy xoAmy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919917268741058474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922119022944994816.post-87627907816642018142015-08-04T03:40:00.000-04:002015-08-04T03:40:14.367-04:00August 4th, 2015So I have RA. Most of you know that, most of you know what that means, and how debilitating it has been for me. But today I wish to share the benefits of sickness, though I admit they only come through relationship with Jesus. Being sick has caused me to lean heavily on Him, to choose to praise Him on the good day right alongside the tough day, to always search for something to be grateful for and always, always be able to find it.<br />
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Last week I met with a pain control doctor who took me off of some medications and put me on a couple of new ones. I was astonished at how quickly they have made me so much more functional, given me so much more energy and drive, and so much less pain. I am so grateful.<br />
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And just as all this is happening, my dad discovered that a cyst he had removed a few weeks back came back from pathology positive for melanoma. He's going to have to be opened back up, miss more work, and have them search thoroughly to see if the cancer cells have spread any place else. His attitude is almost unbelievably positive. I asked him about this and he gave me a lot to think about.<br />
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My Father believes strongly in the power of our words; that we can use them to build up or tear down, to speak life or death. He is determined to speak life, and suggested a couple of books for me to read so I can get on the same page with Him. I bought both books and am about halfway through the first. It's a lot to take in, but it is clear from a biblical perspective that the tongue, and all the words that come from it, are very important to God. As I was reading through one particular section, I found myself offering prayers of repentance. I've made those mistakes, over and over, without realizing the extent of damage I was creating or how I was distancing myself relationally from God.<br />
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That's what's on my mind tonight, while I am up far too late (it's past 2 am here) thinking about my children's first day in public schools tomorrow morning. We are now a bit of a mixed bag. Andrew wants to finish his senior year at home in order to continue working part time, Riley, Dylan and Josiah want to try out the sports programs and extra-curriculars the schools offer, and little Owen is starting Kindergarten, which he will love. I;m homeschooling Libby, Justice and Aiden to get them caught up in reading and math. And of course Ella Grace is 3, so she will stay with me too. We just decided to do what we thought was best for each child, and they are not all cookie cutters, so we have some different things happening all at once. I think after a week or two, we will have settled into a routine and it'll all be good.<br />
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Our trips to California and Kentucky were hard, but good. I am glad I went. The day we went boating was my favorite day. There is something thrilling about watching your kids learn to get up on water skiis.<br />
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I have other things to add but I'm too tired to add it here. Maybe I will try to make this another month where I write {something} every day. We shall see. I may be too busy watching soaps and eating Bon-Bons. ;)<br />
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Your heavy-lidded friend,<br />
AmyAmy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919917268741058474noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922119022944994816.post-55773194782686863932015-07-12T19:51:00.000-04:002015-07-12T19:53:27.536-04:00July 12, 2015This year, I have challenged myself to read at least 30 books. Originally, I was going to be optimistic and go for 50. I am still hoping to read 50, but I am saying I WILL read 30. Anything over that will be bonus.<br />
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Anyhow, I have now completed 17, and it's nearly the end of July. I didn't get off to a very good start the first half of the year, and honestly, I have no good excuses because mainly I was laying in bed, ill. I spent way too much time reading the news or the trashy little articles all over Facebook to get any serious reading done. I made a second mistake of choosing excellent books that just happened to be extremely long. Take Les Miserables, for instance. That book is a brick!<br />
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Middlemarch is another I have picked out, also huge. I wanted to read Little Women with Liberty, also ginormous.<br />
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I'm not at loss for great books, but if I set a lofty goal for an impressively large amount of books read, I would do myself a favor picking out some shorter ones to throw in with the lot.<br />
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I am currently reading Newton On The Christian Life, by Tony Reinke. I am 40 or so pages in and it is quite good, but it is one of those books where there are loads of footnotes, and my OCD won't allow me to ignore a single one of them, so it is slow going. But I am hoping *fingers crossed* to be done before we leave for our trip on Thursday. I want to bring along my Kindle and very little else, bookwise. I don't want to make my luggage unnecessarily heavy.<br />
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I am not a good packer in general, but I am going to do my best this time around. Unfortunately I have to allot a rather largish space in my bag for my prescription medications. What an annoyance. Still, things will certainly be worse if I leave them behind, so they must come along. We will be able to do laundry while we are there so I need not pack too many clothes.<br />
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The children are all looking forward to having their grandmother come and stay with them while Trever and I are away. I am hoping the traveling will not entirely knacker me out. I must remember to drink strong, caffeinated beverages, loads of water, and look for any opportunity to nap or use the loo. This sounds to me like a Solid Plan.<br />
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I do hope we can squeeze in a trip to the beach. I have missed the sand and water of the Pacific Ocean like it is part of my DNA that has been snatched away from me somewhere around Texas. Living on the East Coast, there are many beautiful and lovely things, but I confess I greatly miss the West Coast. You never really get over being a valley girl. Like, totally.<br />
<br />
Amy<br />
<br />Amy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919917268741058474noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922119022944994816.post-83132129468977632952015-06-27T01:07:00.001-04:002015-07-12T19:31:37.471-04:00The Busy BeginsWe have been so jam-packed crazy busy with activity that lately writing here has taken a bit of a back seat. I've not even checked much on Facebook, but I hear it is going on, quite without me.<br />
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We just had friends whom knew from when we lived in Texas fifteen years ago come out to visit for a few days, and they just left yesterday. It is always fun to be able to take newbies around this big, bright historical place. We tried a local Savannah restaurant which is famous for their excellent craft beer, and I think I had one too many, not recalling the alcoholic content being so much higher than any typical beers. We went too Jekyll Island for a beach day and we all got a little sunburndt; Justice got the brunt of it, but well all got red and blistery and I got a ginormous fever blister that makes my bottom look like a collagen injection procedure gone very wrong.<br />
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Today, my mother drove up to see us for a day or two, and brought Ryan and Chrissy along. Ryan is growing on me. He is very odd and peculiar to me, but it is no longer uncomfortable and he seems to have a gentle, tender spirit. <br />
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They leave tomorrow around 6:00 p.m. I haven't a clue what we will do tomorrow.<br />
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I want to stay in bed all day and read. I am currently reading Still, by Lauren Winner. It is very, very good. I'm saving Les Miserables for rainy days. I'm only a couple hundred pages in but it is coming along bit by bit. When I am feel too swollen to open my book up, I listen to audio books, or music; something even sermons. I told the worship leader I would sing this Sunday, so I am trying to rest from the time my mom and crew leave- which means early dinner and very early bed time.<br />
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Monday I have my pre-op and Tuesday will be my surgery. I hope they find whatever is wrong and can fix it. I get tired of feeling so sick and limited. But it is what it is and really, it's true, God's grace is sufficient.<br />
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It's quite late so off I go. I'm sure to have more time to sit in from of this screen and write bout some of the things that are on my heart very soon.<br />
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Thanks for stopping by, pushing the clean laundry aside that I just haven't gotten a chance to get to just yet, and listening to my ramblings.<br />
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If you have anything you'd like to share, or have prayer requests, please put them in the comment box below. I read them all myself.<br />
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With Love,<br />
AmyAmy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919917268741058474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922119022944994816.post-35713012260412538472015-05-25T19:48:00.001-04:002015-05-25T19:48:19.121-04:00A Beautiful PrayerJust really loved this post, so I wanted to share: <a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/jesuscreed/2015/05/25/a-prayer-for-peace-on-memorial-day/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+PatheosJesusCreed+%28Blog+-+Jesus+Creed%29" target="_blank"><u><i><b>click here</b></i></u></a><br />
<br />
~AmyAmy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919917268741058474noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922119022944994816.post-40505462782119457342015-05-20T18:37:00.002-04:002015-05-20T18:37:46.043-04:00Good NewsI have been a little bit touch and go here over the last few weeks. Mostly, I've just been tired, and with what tiny scraps of time I carve out, I have been reading. Libby and I are reading The Secret Garden together, two chapters a day. Justice and I are working our way through The Bob Books. I am reading three books right now, Wearing God by Lauren Winner, Unoffendable by Brant Hansen and Les Miserables, by Victor Hugo. I try to squeeze in a good bit of Bible reading in there too, though I am surprised how much well written fiction can bring out subtle nuances in the scriptures. For those who have eyes to see, let them see.<br />
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My Husband bought me a little gift that came in the mail today, a crate filled with coffees and teas and cocoas of all varieties. We used our French press to make our first cup of chocolate hazelnut coffee. Yum.<br />
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The best news of the day is that I had good news from my doctor this afternoon. We had feared I had symptoms indicating early stage uterine cancer, but no! I am cancer free! We have scheduled an exploratory, lapaorscopic surgery for June 30th to check for a couple more possibilities as to what's causing the issues, but the biggest and scariest possibility is now off the table, and for that, I rejoice.<br />
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I was told they will make four small incisions on my abdomen, and I asked Trever in the elevator on our way out, if he would still love me with scars on my belly. He said he would kiss them hundreds of times. He is such a supportive partner, a lovely man. I get quite disgusted with myself for the times I have taken him for granted.<br />
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As much as I may, in some ways, identify myself as a Christian feminist, I also find I am growing in gentleness, meekness, and the willingness to serve.<br />
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I send out a very sincerely heart-felt gratitude to all of you who have cared for me, who have prayed, called, texted, etc. I so appreciate you walking through these challenges with me.<br />
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Love,<br />
Amy <br />
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<br />Amy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919917268741058474noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922119022944994816.post-88463703966557644162015-05-15T19:43:00.002-04:002015-05-15T19:43:57.516-04:00With all our Senses<i><b>"You called, You cried, You shattered my deafness. You sparkled, You blazed, You drove away my blindness. You shed Your fragrance, and I drew in my breath and I pant for you. I tasted and now I hunger and thirst. You touched me, and now I burn with longing for Your peace."</b></i><br />
<i><b>~Augustine</b></i>Amy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919917268741058474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922119022944994816.post-78922609745192068542015-05-05T12:31:00.002-04:002015-05-05T12:32:52.961-04:00Amy's SermonetteA couple weeks back, I shared this little sermonette with my church. I always find it a little unnerving, when I hear my own voice played back to me... Do I really sound like that? :) In any case, I wanted to add it here, in case someone wanted to hear it.<br />
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<a href="https://www.dropbox.com/s/jgb1f65p0qlmabx/amys%20sermon.mp3?dl=0" target="_blank">Amy's Sermonette</a> {click here}<br />
From my heart to yours,<br />
Amy<!------------>Amy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919917268741058474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922119022944994816.post-54666003150526289552015-05-04T22:05:00.000-04:002015-05-05T10:30:57.142-04:00Dying to the FleshLast week I drove my children back and forth to Jesup every. single. morning. for school testing. I am not a morning person and it was a two hour round trip, with about a three hour wait time in the middle. By the third day, I was actually falling asleep in the van, waiting. I also had appointments to take them to, myself to, and had to pick up and drop off Trever, etc.<br />
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When the weekend came I crashed. I slept nearly all weekend and if I wasn't asleep, I was watching cruddy television. I didn't even emerge from my exhaustion to attend church, and I usually sing with the worship team. Danny's been preaching about abiding in Christ and denying the flesh, and I have really been pondering all this... Because I guess most of us have areas in our lives where we are blind to carnality, to worldliness, to all the numerous ways we feed our flesh.<br />
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I don't want to point my fingers at others, I want to examine myself and get my own house in order. Really. But I can't help but take a glance around at all the Christians I know and feel like, while we are preaching the right message, we do a terrible job living it out.<br />
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I tend to come across as abrasive. This is something I have been working on. Sometimes, I get myself pretty worked up and I use social media incorrectly. I do think, in general, it's not the place to have confrontations. But sometimes you're calling out a whole lotta bull all at once and it's just, well, convenient. I was appalled at how many Christians in my feed were posting about the fight this weekend. I expect this from the world, it's worldly- it goes all the way back to the arenas and coliseums, and it is in its essence, blood lust. <br />
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Can it get more carnal than paying a lot of money to watch two people beat the ever loving snot out of each other?<br />
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I've recognized the trend increasing in television lately, and I haven't been entirely immune to it. I've made excuses: The Walking Dead is about zombies, which aren't real, so that's different. The Vampire Diaries, again, they're about Vampires- not real. Etcetera, ad infinitum. But the truth? TWD thrives off violence and gore, TVD is all about blood lust and, um, good 'ol regular lust too. I could never get into Game of Thrones, because there was a (I don't know the politically correct term here, little person? Midget?) receiving oral sex in the very first episode, but I have heard it is pretty violent and gory too.<br />
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I like detective shows, but sometimes they are are about serial killers, criminals, the awful science of forensics that we have had to develop because our species is so violent. We develop a morbid fascination with the dark side. All the movies and TV shows that are based on comics are the same way, people with psychotic breaks and messiah complexes, and, of course, loads and loads of violence.<br />
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I get why people like these shows, I understand the addiction that comes with them, that desperation for next week's episode and a little more of the story.<br />
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When Trever and I first became Christians, we didn't have TV. We spent our evenings talking and reading and playing with our kids. I didn't miss it, honestly. But now we watch lots of things that, if I am being honest, I know are not a good witness for Christ. I remember once, someone told me to imagine the holiest person I actually knew in real life coming over while I was watching whatever I was watching... how would I feel? Fine? Ashamed? Defensive?<br />
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It helped me to think about it because honestly, sometimes asking yourself WWJD doesn't help much.<br />
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Still, do I think the same Jesus that taught His followers to turn the other cheek, to not return evil for evil, do I think He'd enjoy sitting down and watching a bloody fight? Grown up soap operas filled with blood and sex and gore? No, I really can't. <br />
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Anyway, I'm rambling.<br />
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I think we have gone way too far engaging in culture to reach it any more. We look no different than the world. We watch the same shows and enjoy all the same things, and sometimes we get brave and tack Jesus on to it. Some of the kindest, most moral people I know are not Christians. They feed the homeless and donate to charities. But they don't know Jesus. This makes me a little suspicious. If I am doing good things but I don't look enough like Him to show Him to others, than a homeless man went to bed with a full belly but I've not helped his soul. If he dies, he will die lost.<br />
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If we are using these ministries as opportunities to communicate the gospel, great. But it is the gospel that is most important and I think we are too concerned about meeting people where they are, engaging with them socially, being friends... that we forget what's most important. The Bible teaches us we are to make disciples, and you gotta be one to make one.<br />
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And just to be clear, when I say "the gospel", I mean relationship and intimacy with the Living Christ. Those of us who claim Him should be holy, and progressing in sanctification and holiness. We are not supposed to look like, act like and consume entertainment just like the world. Otherwise, we really are taking His name in vain.<br />
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I am preaching to myself as much as anyone else.<br />
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I feel sad tonight. I know this isn't going to get me far, I can already hear the cry, "LEGALISM!!" ringing in my ears. But it's all I know to say, and I believe it is true.<br />
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Trever and I talked to our kids about this tonight, and we all agreed to make some changes, God helping us. I am grateful for the fight this weekend, because I guess sometimes it takes something that drastic to shake you out of your numbness, and that's how I feel right now. Like all my nerve endings and sensitivities to holiness are on high alert after being numb for a long time. I have spiritual pins and needles.<br />
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And I apologize, both to the Church AND to the world- to the Church because I should have spoken up sooner, and in love. I should have prayed, I should have cared more than I have. And to the world because if I am supposed to be salt and light to you, I have been neither. I have enjoyed playing hide and seek in the dark. I have said I loved you and shared a beer, but I have not loved you as I truly should, with tender love for your soul, with a willingness to lay down my own desires and preferences that I might point you to the light.<br />
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I'm sorry.<br />
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I have always said I thought The Beatles were geniuses when they said "Love is all you need," because in a way, it is true. But the truest love is a person, and His name is Jesus. His love ran red when He shed His blood and for those of us who are claiming to be His disciples, He is a real King with a real Kingdom that has real laws. As much as I falter and fail, I am His, and His laws are written on my heart.<br />
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For those of you who might have found your way here who are Christian leaders, may I humbly ask you to consider one last thing? Do you remember the Nazarites, in Scripture? They were those who had taken a special vow and were consecrated, set apart, for a purpose. They were not only not allowed to have wine, they were forbidden to touch anything that came from the vine. They couldn't eat grapes or raisins. What would have been the harm in partaking of those things? But see, that wasn't the point. Could we argue that there is nothing wrong with some of the things we do- whether it's having a beer or watching a TV show or liking a certain band? Yes, we could, and we would be missing the point, too. We are meant to be Kings and Priests- holy unto the Lord, and willing to give up anything that may serve as a stumbling block for others.<br />
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Are we willing to get ourselves out of the way so we can shine light like the city on a hill we are meant to be?<br />
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I am going to publish this, but it is with a trembly heart. I do not wish to argue, accuse or debate. I beg you to consider, to pray, to think this thing through with me. And maybe, maybe... maybe we can talk about how to live like Jesus to a lost and hurting world. Forgive my utter obnoxiousness and believe me when I say I mean this truly, gently and with great love.<br />
<br />
AmyAmy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919917268741058474noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922119022944994816.post-77523914664360591842015-04-12T23:15:00.002-04:002015-04-12T23:20:49.934-04:00BeautifulWe sang this to close out church today.<a href="https://video.search.yahoo.com/video/play;_ylt=A0LEVjGrNStVQjoAC3InnIlQ;_ylu=X3oDMTBsa3ZzMnBvBHNlYwNzYwRjb2xvA2JmMQR2dGlkAw--?p=mercyme+beautiful+youtube&tnr=21&vid=147D1DA263B3669132E4147D1DA263B3669132E4&l=268&turl=http%3A%2F%2Fts2.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DWN.GA56%252bdhBV0SkD1P12IRVEA%26pid%3D15.1&sigi=1215scjvs&rurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D1vh7-RSPuAA&sigr=11bk9svsb&tt=b&tit=MercyMe+-+Beautiful&sigt=10jns3lf0&back=https%3A%2F%2Fsearch.yahoo.com%2Fyhs%2Fsearch%3Fp%3Dmercy%2Bme%2Bbeautiful%2Byoutube%26ei%3DUTF-8%26hsimp%3Dyhs-001%26hspart%3Dmozilla&sigb=136tqls3j&hspart=mozilla&hsimp=yhs-001" target="_blank"> {Click Here.}</a> It's by Mercy Me. It just really makes my heart soar. You are beautiful, Bride of Christ.<br />
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Amy Amy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919917268741058474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922119022944994816.post-68696603253508130742015-04-10T00:14:00.003-04:002015-04-10T00:14:52.377-04:00Gospel 1I began writing again in my physical journal today. I have had excellent handwriting most of my life and so it is a little hard to have to concentrate so hard to write in cursive; the loops and slants make my wrists ache after only a few sentences. But God- Oh!- He brings beauty from the ashes. I have not much to say tonight except that he provided for all my needs today, he carried me when I was weak, he loves me even when I am least lovable.<br />
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He is developing opportunities, I am meant to bless and be a blessing, just as my father in the faith, Abraham. He (Jesus!) is teaching me to pray, to shun discomfort, to embrace the fire of His Spirit, to worship, finally, in Spirit and truth,<br />
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So much more for later.<br />
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For now,<br />
Adios!<br />
AmyAmy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919917268741058474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922119022944994816.post-62693826922099396352015-04-09T03:46:00.000-04:002015-04-09T03:46:00.071-04:00Our Stories MatterThe very first Sunday after my birth, my mother dressed me up in a darling, frilly dress and brought me to church. I grew up going to Sunday school and singing hymns and praise choruses and learning as much as I could about the Bible.<br />
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In my tweens, it was obviously there were rocky roads ahead. I was a brat, which is saying it nicely. When finally did turn 13, I was pretty well in full blown rebel mode. My mom remarried that year, and I felt miserable at home.<br />
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I took refuge in rock music and later in boys. I knew a lot of the things I was doing were wrong but I just stopped caring.<br />
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After I graduated high school, I was pretty much not on good terms with God. Add that to the fact that I am an instigator that likes a good fight and I was basically a ticking time bomb. I had a friend invite me to her churches college and career night. I think this was supposed to be a place where Christian singles could hook up with compatble believers, get married, makes babies, tra la la. I wasn't interested. I was married but seperated at the time, and already had a baby. Not super marketable at these kinds of shindigs.<br />
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I decided I'd probably be ignored or rejected so I decided to make it really easy for them. I wore an extremely form-fitting top with the words emblazoned across the chest, "I LIKE YOUR BOYFRIEND", along with tight jeans and make up that made me look pretty hawt. I mean, a bit of a sleezeball, but HAWT.<br />
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I was greeted by the guy who was running the study, he asked me my name, shook my hand, and then it happened. He read my shirt, out loud. His eyes widened. He started to mutter something about how that's not very nice but then, out of no where, he just stopped. He gave me a hug and said, "You know what? I don't care what's on your shirt, I'm just really glad you came."<br />
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I was floored. I had run a number of possible scenarios in my mind, in all of which I pointed out the utter hypocrisy of church, Christians, the institution, blahblahblah. But as I sat listening through the Bible study, I could think of not one thing to say. <br /><br />Love won that day, It was the day that I, like the Prodigal son, came to myself, and started the long journey home, back to my Father. I knew He was sending me a message loud and clear- I love you. And remember this, so you can hug that kid tatted up, wearing Gothic garb, or mohawked punk rockers who wear more eyeliner than I do, or girls trying desperately to get attention by exposing themselves or developing eating disorders or cutting themselves...<br />
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Let Holy Spirit do His job and you do yours- hug them and love them. Make them welcome. Serve them the way Christ served you. You might be astounded to see what kind of a ripple effect comes from loving like this.<br />
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And now, I'd really love to hear YOUR stories, Please use the comment box to tell me about a time God did something in your mess that was a game changer for you. I'm so excited to hear what you've all got to share- this is how we encourage one another and spur each other forward! Woohoo!<br />
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From my thankful heart to yours,<br />
AmyAmy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919917268741058474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922119022944994816.post-35781186701797534102015-04-08T17:19:00.002-04:002015-04-08T17:19:14.313-04:00A Burning HeartI can already tell April is going to pass in a blur of activity. I have been extremely busy and am getting a crash course in balancing activity and rest. After a particularly long day, I fall into bed and don't wake up until after ten the next morning.<br />
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Our church did an Easter egg hunt thing for the community, served food, had bounce houses and games and face paining and lots and lots of candy. That was Saturday. On Sunday, I painted in front of the church during worship. There was a great, hope-filled message that was very encouraging.<br />
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This week my kids have been sick. Ella Grace, Justice and Owen have all been running fevers, and nearly everyone has a hacking cough. It's gone on a couple days now. All day today, I have laid in bed, cuddling sick tinies and watching movies. Today we have watched The Book of Life (wonderful!), Hotel Transylvania (funny!) and Night at the Museum 3 (which was great but also made me really sad, seeing Robin Williams.)<br />
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Tonight our small group is meeting and I don't think I will be going, with things such as they are here at home, and that bums me out a little because I miss it when we don't go.<br />
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Yesterday I finished Tortured for Christ, by Richard Wurmbrand. It wrecked me. I see stories all over the news about Christians being murdered for their faith or escaping to refuge camps where they struggle to survive, but somehow reading this account opened my eyes. I usually don't even read those kinds of stories because they're depressing or make me sad. How hardened and selfish I have become! The persecuted church needs practical help and I have largely ignored their needs as if there weren't real people, brothers and sisters in Christ, who are being beaten, tortured, starved and killed every day in hostile nations.<br />
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I mean to get involved in bringing Bibles and other Christian literature to hostile nations, to provide reliefs for prisoners and families of martyrs. www.persecution.com has some practical ways to get started.<br />
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Three of our children have birthdays this month, and it's a tight month financially. I've decided not to stress out about it. I will simply take my requests to God and trust that He will take care of us.<br />
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I've also reunited with some of the people I went to youth group with through Facebook. Surprisingly, many of them have abandoned the faith. This makes my heart break. I do mean to talk with them, starting out by just really listening to their stories. I understand the struggle because I nearly left the faith myself at one point, becoming hardened and embittered and angry at all the hypocrisy. My greatest hope is that God would grant them ears to hear and receive the love I have for them, and that they would not push me away. Love never fails.<br />
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Something simple for dinner tonight I think, like omelets or pancakes or maybe even pb&js. I purchased several of RW's books on my kindle for about a buck apiece. He writes with such love and compassion, with not a trace of bitterness or hatred despite all the horrors he suffered. I know I can glean so much from him. I hoping to snuggle under some soft blankets and get some reading done tonight.<br />
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My heart is burning.<br />
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Love,<br />
Amy<br />
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<br />Amy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919917268741058474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922119022944994816.post-78444093987666546662015-03-31T14:49:00.002-04:002015-03-31T15:59:12.446-04:00The end of MarchJust because it is the very LAST day in March (excuse me, WHAT?!?) and just because I am biding my time while simultaneously making sure Libby completes her school work, I thought I'd pop in here and say hi.<br />
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Yesterday was cray.<br />
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I got my hair done, almost falling asleep in the chair. IWASSOTIRED. Then I dropped Andrew and Riley off at drama club and picked up enough Little Ceasar's pizzas to feed a small army (or my kids, either way). I started feeling icky, but I took some meds and pushed through, picking Trever up from work at five and going with him to Ruby Tuesday. I ordered a very sensible meal, grilled salmon with zucchini and rice pilaf, which I paired with a very non-sensible, gigantic slice of cheesecake. <br />
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We came home and it happened: full blown flare. I'm actually surprised it hadn't happened sooner, since I've been feeling overly tired and worn out for a few days. I guess it all just came to a head last night. I started running fever, my joints started swelling and turning all red, everything on me was hot to the touch, and not in a good, I'm so sexy kind of way. Add in some hard core allergies and I was out for the count. There are so many things I adore about Spring, seasonal allergies is not one of them. I have itchy, watery eyes that make me look like a straight up pothead, I get sneezing attacks that last so long I actually feel tired afterward, and I have constant post-nasal drip, which makes me feel like I'm always just a second away from aspirating on my own allergy driven mucous. Gross.<br />
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I'm fairly convinced that the only thing antihistamines actually do well is make you even more tired. Maybe the idea is you will sleep through the Spring, kind of a self-induced hibernation of sorts. When you finally stop taking them in the summer, the pollens are at a low and you think you've survived another allergy nightmare when really you've just slept for three straight months. It's like the worst kind of hangover crossed with Rip Van Winkle stories.<br />
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I went to bed early, and I woke up feeling much better but completely exhausted. It's hard to say which is trickier to navigate, acute pain or long lasting fatigue. Bleh.<br />
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I'm resting today, supervising homework assignments and chores from my bed, tissues at the ready. I am determined to go out tonight- Trever and I are meeting friends at the movies. I have no idea what we are having for dinner, I haven't thought that far ahead. <br />
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But hey, here's to April. May the allergens be greatly reduced and activity resumed without hazard. Three of my children have April birthdays, two of them have them in May. It's a busy couple of months here. Better nap while I can.<br />
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Love,<br />
Amy<br />
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PS. I'm not going to lie. I am totally patting myself on the back because we are only three months into 2015 and I've ALREADY written more blog posts than all of last year. So I can basically proceed with a no-guilt guarantee and cruise all year. Yay me! Amy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919917268741058474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922119022944994816.post-23210285448294024172015-03-30T01:42:00.000-04:002015-03-31T14:23:09.848-04:00Web Help. Alternative title: Are You Tech savvy and Can You Work a Little Miracle fo me?I'm wishing for kind, patient, artsy geniuses to help me give my page a little makeover. Any one out there interested? Pleasepleaseplease. Write in the comments box or, if you are one of the very few who has my cell number, call me. So excited to see what God is going to do here in this place. I know, for now, it's where I am supposed to be writing.<br />
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Fingers crossed,<br />
AmyAmy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919917268741058474noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1922119022944994816.post-24366428514521499372015-03-30T00:03:00.002-04:002015-03-30T00:08:58.726-04:00a post with no real point except to complete it while we are still in March and also to tell the world i am in massive pain and want an epiduralLast night, I fought the monster. Insomnia. I was bone-tired but could not go to sleep. I took some Benadryl, which usually makes me pretty drowsy. It made me drowsy alright, but I still couldn't sleep. I read for a while, I tossed and turned. I listened to Trever snore. When his alarm went off at six thirty I had just finally gotten to sleep. I slept until half past noon. I'm still tired.<br />
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Trever worked through lunch today, hoping he may be able to get off work a little bit early tonight, but I am sort of doubting that will happen, because it is Tuesday. Tuesday is the last day in the pay cycle for Liberty Chrysler, so oftentimes, the mechanics try to squeeze in as many jobs as possible, to inflate their paychecks. This usually translates to Trever working late.<br />
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This evening, we are practicing the praise and worship songs for Sunday with the worship team, and after that, Trever and I are going over to have coffee and dessert with some friends we haven't seen in a little while. I am looking forward to that.<br />
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Ella Grace is potty training. It is not my favorite thing to do, and it feels almost unbelievable that once she is able to use the toilet, it will be the first time in sixteen years we've not had diapers to change. That is crazy, innit?<br />
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I don't really consider myself a very vain person, but lately my hormones are the devil, and my chin is broken out with some of the worst acne I have ever experienced.<br />
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It is now Sunday evening. I started this post and left it unfinished all week. I am awake late tonight because my Ella is still awake. She must be going through some kind of unprecedented growth spurt, because she napped nearly all afternoon, and so hard we could not wake her up. Thankfully, she finally seems to be fading out. Poor Trever went to the couch to try to snuggle her to sleep, but he fell asleep and she escaped him and crawled into bed with me. Her eyelids are starting to look a little heavy. I'm guessing five more minutes....<br />
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I had a busy, but very good day today. I went to church, where we did an all-worship service. Read: a lot of singing and music. Sometimes, that just does the heart good. A super sweet couple who we go to a weekly Bible study with came forward after the service and asked if they could pray for me. That was encouraging. Dylan is really starting to get the hang of playing the drums, and I love that he is up there, playing with us.<br />
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After church we had lunch with friends, then we played golf with two of our favorite couples. It was a gorgeous day. I've not done that much walking around in ages though, so when we got home I was exhausted and took a long, lazy nap. I woke up to throbbing pain in my knee that is only slightly less intense than childbirth. I am using my Lamaze and wishing for an epidural. I have pain meds on board but narcotics always make me a little sick to my stomach, so I am hoping it will take the edge off soon and I can just go to sleep. Hopefully, I will wake up to significantly less knee pain, or I'm scheduling an amputation. For the love of all that is good and holy, IT HURTS.<br />
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Tomorrow afternoon I have an appointment to get my hair done, and I need to drive Riley to a drama club meeting, but all in all it's not a terribly demanding day, which is good because as I mentioned, my knee is throbbing with fury. There has been weeping and gnashing of teeth up in here. And the amount of pain medication I need to make it tolerable makes me queasy. My friends are pretty accepting and lovely, but nobody wants to be thrown up on. The room is spinning and not in a good way. Someone put me out of my misery.<br />
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And yes, I know I can be a teeny tiny bit of a drama queen. But it's my blog and I'll whine if I want to.<br />
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Pathetically,<br />
AmyAmy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919917268741058474noreply@blogger.com0