Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Holy Indifference

There have been many times in my life where I have been devastated because of the negative comments, ugliness, indifference or the lack of support I expected to receive from family or friends.

For instance, I have had family members range in reaction from completely indifferent (as though enthusiasm might *encourage* us to continue being irresponsible) to down-right mean when we have announced a new baby was on the way. One of my family members would not speak to me for several months after I became pregnant with my daughter, Liberty.

{I am deliberately not naming names.}

Sometimes, I was angry at these ugly responses. Sometimes, I ended up bawling my eyes out because of them. And sometimes, I resorted to acting as if I couldn't care less. (One time my husband and I considered not announcing a pregnancy until the baby was BORN. Yes, really.)

But this funny thing happened right after God healed me. He gave me this beautiful gift that I will call holy indifference.

I wanted to share my amazing news of healing with my family and friends, but I felt free from any ugly reactions. I knew there was a possibility they would think I was crazy. I just didn't care. If they were happy with me, it was an awesome bonus. But I was not longer dependant on it to be happy. It couldn't shake me.

I felt the same way when we discovered we were expecting this miracle baby. (Please keep in mind, I miscarried our last baby and was given very little hope from my doctor that this would even be an option in our future.) We didn't wait to share our news. We told every one right away. And we weren't worried about how they were going to take the news, either, like we always have been before.

I look at it this way: If you won a million dollars, but someone in your life (or even a stranger at the grocery store or Wal-Mart) wasn't happy for you, would you care? I wouldn't. I'd be so excited about winning a million dollars, I wouldn't care how people felt about it.

Well friends, I feel like I *have* won a million dollars.

I trust fully that the God who is knitting this precious little one into my womb will also provide. My God will supply all our needs according to His riches in glory.

I am so profoundly grateful.

I may have mentioned before that prior to being married, I didn't want children AT ALL. I was not the little girl who loved to hold babies at church or babysit or anything like that. I certainly never imagined myself having a large family by any one's standards. All of that changed (albeit gently, little by little) the moment I saw our first son on that ultrasound screen.

I firmly believe with all of my heart that this was (and is) a God-thing. He is the one who put this dream into the hearts of my husband and I, and He is the one who is (miraculously) bringing it to pass.

I feel strangely immune, inoculated from the criticism of this world. I feel on top of the world and on His shoulders, sheltered by the shadow of His wings.

It's a good place to be.

And may I just encourage you today? The only opinion that matters is God's. May we live only for His nod, for His smile. And may He grant all of us this precious holy indifference about every thought that diagrees with His thoughts for us.


~amy danielle

7 comments:

  1. Amy, it is obvious how happy and fulfilled you are with your lovely family. Enjoy every moment of the voyage to the new life.

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  2. yes, yes, yes! you know i need to read this, and i love it. thank you for sharing... holy indifference...amen.

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  3. "May we live only for His nod, for His smile. And may He grant all of us this precious holy indifference about every thought that diagrees with His thoughts for us."

    ....the prayer of my heart.

    Thank you...and congratulations on your newest little blessing! :)

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  4. i didn't want kids either... but then, one day, i wanted nothing else. :) i love this holy indifference amy... so wise, friend. and i'm so happy for you!

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  5. Good for you!
    Each child is like winning the lottery... Such beautiful wisdom here :)
    By the way I've tagged you for a meme over at scraps of starlight
    xx

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