There is a story in the Bible about a prophet named Elijah. You can read it there for yourself so I'll just give you a few highlights. Basically, Elijah was God's man. He did some hard core stuff, all in the name of God. He had a throw down with a bunch of priests of Baal and humiliated them all when he proved His God was the true God, which resulted in the execution of all the priests and seriously ticked off Queen Jezebel.
She went after him, wanting him dead, and he ran. Elijah, the dude that just saw fire come down from Heaven, who knew the One, True God, who had witnessed MIRACLES, ran in fear from one tiny, enraged woman.
The Bible goes on to explain he found a cave and hid, he became massively depressed and feared for his life.
But God had not forgotten him. He sent angels to go to Elijah's cave and bring him food every day. God encouraged him and cared for him until he was ready to move out of his bachelor pad in the cave and get back to work. Before this epic battle of the gods had taken place, Elijah had predicted a great drought, which was not the most popular of messages, and he'd had to go into hiding. God send birds- BIRDS!!!- to bring him daily food and water.
And I'm pretty sure God has been doing the very same things for me lately.
Yesterday, I met my friend, Norma, for lunch. I dumped all my ugly right into her lap, told her how I was struggling and aching and hurt, how I wanted to give up, how I felt abandoned by God. She told me God could handle my doubt, that it was okay to be where I was, that she still loved me. She also shared with me that her Bible Study group is doing a Beth Moore study on 1 and 2 Thessalonians. I told her how much I'd like to participate, but that I shy away from making commitments I may not be able to keep. There might be nights when I am too ill to go out at 6:30 at night. She assured me that was fine; I could come when I could and on the nights I couldn't, she'd bring me the dvds to watch at home.
Kinda like a raven dropping off food. Or maybe even an angel (which literally means messenger).
Today, I talked to another friend, Patricia. She is older than I am and has suffered the pain of chronic, autoimmune diseases longer than I have, and she listened and understood and prayed the most beautiful, sincere prayer I've heard it months. It was like balm to my soul.
It made me want to open my ears to the whisper of God again, when up til now I've been holding my hands over my ears.
What I am most grateful for right now is the fact that it is apparent to me that God is taking care of me, even in my roughest times.
Some people sail through trials like this with grace. Others, like me, fight and claw and rebel.
I can't understand why He would use THIS, this pain and suffering and disease, to bring Him glory, to reveal His character in me. He knows my breaking point, and I've decided to go ahead and trust Him. One of the ways I am going to demonstrate this is to start looking for good things happening in the midst of this trial, evidences of a caring God.
And today, I am thankful for birds, for angels, for the way God has opened up my eyes to see that His provision for me is wonderful and that He loves me.