August 4th, 2015

So I have RA. Most of you know that, most of you know what that means, and how debilitating it has been for me. But today I wish to share the benefits of sickness, though I admit they only come through relationship with Jesus. Being sick has caused me to lean heavily on Him, to choose to praise Him on the good day right alongside the tough day, to always search for something to be grateful for and always, always be able to find it.

Last week I met with a pain control doctor who took me off of some medications and put me on a couple of new ones. I was astonished at how quickly they have made me so much more functional, given me so much more energy and drive, and so much less pain. I am so grateful.

And just as all this is happening, my dad discovered that a cyst he had removed a few weeks back came back from pathology positive for melanoma. He's going to have to be opened back up, miss more work, and have them search thoroughly to see if the cancer cells have spread any place else. His attitude is almost unbelievably positive. I asked him about this and he gave me a lot to think about.

My Father believes strongly in the power of our words; that we can use them to build up or tear down, to speak life or death. He is determined to speak life, and suggested a couple of books for me to read so I can get on the same page with Him. I bought both books and am about halfway through the first. It's a lot to take in, but it is clear from a biblical perspective that the tongue, and all the words that come from it, are very important to God. As I was reading through one particular section, I found myself offering prayers of repentance. I've made those mistakes, over and over, without realizing the extent of damage I was creating or how I was distancing myself relationally from God.

That's what's on my mind tonight, while I am up far too late (it's past 2 am here) thinking about my children's first day in public schools tomorrow morning. We are now a bit of a mixed bag. Andrew wants to finish his senior year at home in order to continue working part time, Riley, Dylan and Josiah want to try out the sports programs and extra-curriculars the schools offer, and little Owen is starting Kindergarten, which he will love. I;m homeschooling Libby, Justice and Aiden to get them caught up in reading and math. And of course Ella Grace is 3, so she will stay with me too. We just decided to do what we thought was best for each child, and they are not all cookie cutters, so we have some different things happening all at once. I think after a week or two, we will have settled into a routine and it'll all be good.

Our trips to California and Kentucky were hard, but good. I am glad I went. The day we went boating was my favorite day. There is something thrilling about watching your kids learn to get up on water skiis.

I have other things to add but I'm too tired to add it here. Maybe I will try to make this another month where I write {something} every day. We shall see. I may be too busy watching soaps and eating Bon-Bons. ;)

Your heavy-lidded friend,
Amy