Monday, March 8, 2010
A Tired Mama Reflects On Friends
This morning, I woke up tired. I feel tired now, even after getting up, putting around, drinking a cup of coffee. I did a reading lesson with my daughter. I got my oldest boys started on their book work and math lessons. I am trying to motivate myself to read to the other children. But I feel utterly exhausted.
The baby was running fever again last night. I was up quite a bit with him. Even once I got him to sleep, I slept the sleep of a concerned mother. The sleep that doesn't really feel like you have slept when you wake up, because you've already woken up a dozen times to check your little one.
I can feel the exhaustion behind my eyes. It all seems to accumulate there. Then, after your body has done too much, not gotten enough rest for too long, it hits you. That's where I am this morning. I feel like I could go to sleep and stay in bed for a week.
Of course, that isn't an option.
I still have a baby that doesn't feel well. And seven others who feel just fine. And they all need me.
This is not a complaint. I don't feel unhappy. I'm just feeling worn out this morning. And honestly, when I occasionally have this happen, I don't feel like I can really talk about it much. Because that is when people lecture me about having too many children. But you know what? Mamas with one or two children can get to feeling this way too. It's part of life, whether your family is big or small.
Ecclesiates has a wonderful passage that applies to this subject:
Ecc 3:1 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
Ecc 3:2 a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
Ecc 3:3 a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
Ecc 3:4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
Ecc 3:5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
Ecc 3:6 a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
Ecc 3:7 a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
Ecc 3:8 a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.
Not everything in life is fluff and roses. There is a time for weariness and a time for restfulness. I am trying to embrace even this day, with all its challenges, from the Lord.
One thing that makes me happy is that God, in His extravagant grace, has blessed me with others to walk along the way with me. In addition to being married to my heart's twin, I have friends who share my journey. They are raising their own families. They get tired too. We have shared pregnancies together. Watched our children grow together. We listen to one another as we struggle to be wives, mamas to many little ones, daughters of the King.
My sisters. Blessings. I intend to name each one in my gratitude journal tonight. They are a balm to my weary heart. They give acceptance to my struggles. Encouragement to keep trying. And I am realizing, more and more, they are truly gifts.