Monday, May 24, 2010

Life Changing Moments

On this day, twelve years ago, my whole universe shifted. Something amazing, impossible happened. The Creator of the Universe made me the mother of the sweetest little boy. Me. A mother.

Me, who didn't really want children and really had no desire to hold babies or earn money watching other people's children. Me who had never even once changed a diaper in my whole life.

My whole world changed the moment the second line on that home pregnancy test turned pink. I couldn't explain it, define it, understand it, but I KNEW. I was wildly in love with the tiniest little person I had never even seen yet. And the love was real, strong, and growing, just like his little body underneath my heart.

My firstborn has changed me in so many, many ways, the least of which (and the most!) being that I never knew I could love another human being so much, never knew what it could feel like to watch your heart beating in the chest of another, knowing your world no longer revolved around yourself, but another, always another. Understanding for the first time that love truly can be unconditional, fierce yet gentle, and ever, ever present.

Till I breathe my last breath, I will always, always, ALWAYS love you Andrew Braden. You are one of the greatest, most creative, amazing, exquisite gifts our Father has ever given your father and me.




And the list keeps growing, as my gratitude journal overflows with blessings:

#16-26

fabric softener.

sweet smelling, clean laundry, crisp linens.

favorite snapshots, windows of memories.

my friends gone before me- Amy Carmichael, Aiden Tozer, Bunyan... and the hope of meeting them and talking long in Heaven.

fresh bread
.
sourdough.

babies who insist on sitting in your lap. my lap.

a son who lets his mama sing him to sleep. hymns.

another sweet boy who hugged his mama's neck, snuggled and gave kisses goodnight. so sweet, I could feel my heart swell.

a husband who sits in our rocker with our babies- a beautiful picture.

the help Trever faithfully gives- bedtimes, mealtimes, etc. Our life, always together.

(To read more about having a gratitude journal, click the button below.)
holy experience

7 comments:

  1. My sweet Andrew, you don't know how many lives you have already touched with your generosity. Your sweet gentle spirit is one that I try to live like. I know I am not your Mama (Blessed is she!!), but my heart swells with pride that *I* get to know such a wonderful young man as yourself, that God has given ME that gift! To watch you and your siblings grow, not only physically, but mentally, and most importantly spiritually. I love you Andrew!! I hope you have a most WONDERFUL day today!!!

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  2. Your list is beautiful and so are your words here.
    It is so amazing how much we can love our children. You've got a lovely family!

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  3. I can relate to your love for your son. I too love my children with a love that is unexplainable. God has used my children to change me and mold me into who I am today. I join you in gratitude.
    Lovely list
    ~a

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  4. Your post brought tears to my eyes. My only son recently turned 22 and moved very far away. I don't mind that he moved as much as I hope and pray that he remembers who he is and his relationship with the Lord. Thank you for a beautiful post!

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  5. your 12yo looks like my 12yo! and our stories sound similar!

    it is something else to see them get so big... and realize that we won't have them forever.

    thanks for visiting me ;)

    amy in peru

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  6. oh i know, this love of a mother... it breaks and makes and humbles and crushes... and it's beauty. thank you for sharing, and for your comment today!

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