So the year is almost over, and I sit here amazed at how much change and transition one single year can bring.
I have been doing a lot of reflection lately. Mainly about who I am, my struggles, challenges... and who I want to be.
Because the thing is, how do you get from who you currently are, with all your character flaws and problems, to the person you long to be? Sometimes I honestly get utterly sick of myself.
Hey, it's true. I'm just being honest here.
And what I am coming to see, a little at a time, is that it is a process. It has a name, actually. It is called sanctification.
It isn't always pleasant.
At times, I feel my progress is painfully slow. I was reading Ann's lovely blog post today, and she talks about how she has named the last few years, signifying what that year has taught her, meant to her. And I am thinking this next year, for me, needs to be the year of PRAYER.
I have been asking God to make me a woman of prayer. I have read books on prayer. I get to the end of the day and realize I should have prayed more. I open my mouth and say things I shouldn't and I realize I needed to pray. And I need to pray. Now.
But somehow, this doesn't translate into actually praying. Because the only way to learn to be a person of prayer is to actually pray.
I would love to find all those other wonderful things Ann mentions weaving themselves through my year of PRAYER. I certainly need Eucharisteo, Communion, and a year of Yes. But my first priority is to learn to talk to God. To slow. To listen for His voice.
The thing about making new habits is that it feels foreign, different, uncomfortable, awkward....
So, I will just jump in and begin, awkward and all.
Friends, this is my year of PRAYER.
So, if you will allow me, I will start right away.
I want this year, 2011, to be my year of PRAYER. I want to learn to stop throughout my day to seek You, to talk to You, to hear You. I need Your help, to remind me, to teach me, to guide my awkward heart. I feel like I am fumbling. Thank you for holding me up. My heart's desire is that this year would glorify You. Not in what I *do*, but in what I will become. A woman with a heart that burns to know You, to hear You, and to love You better.
In the matchless name of Jesus,
As I say goodbye to 2010 and welcome 2011, I thank you, kind friends, for your love and encouragement throughout this last year. And I encourage you also, to make this year matter with the Lord.
Blessings to you all.