Recently I have given a lot of thought to what Ann says in her amazing book, One Thousand Gifts. Well, she says lots of things, but one thing that stands out in my mind is this picture of myself opening my cupped hands, waiting to receive whatever God gives. And giving thanks. For everything.
Except, well, if I were to be entirely honest, I would tell you that this morning, I saw another picture in my mind. It was one He showed me, and it looked a lot like me this morning. The picture of a bratty child who opens up her hands, receives from God, doesn't like the gift she was given, and then proceeds to throw it on the ground screaming and crying and having a full blown tantrum.
Yeah, that's what I do sometimes.
And I hate it.
I pray, I apologize, I repent. Really. But I long to get to the stage in maturing where my default reaction to tough things is not a tantrum.
So I've been meditating on these verses:
Philippians 2:14-16 (English Standard Version)
"Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain."
And doing a lot of praying, apologizing and repenting.
Eucharisteo is a discipline. And I am a new(ish) student. Bear with me? Thank you all for your prayers and love and lavish grace toward me and my family.