Monday, April 11, 2011

More Worth Than Many Sparrows

The man I love is beginning a new chapter in his career and this has caused the foundations to shake just a bit. More than once I have had to stop, reflect, consider whether I am building with wood, hay, stubble, or gold, silver, precious stones. Idols in my own heart, that have put on pretty faces and hidden their true identities well, have emerged in all their ugliness.

And I thank God, because without Him I would never be able to discern the true state of my heart...

I have been in a state the last thirteen years where I have always had enough money to buy whatever we needed and a good share of things I just wanted us to have. I said I was trusting God would always provide, but the truth is that you never really know if you are completely trusting in God's provision until you discover you have nothing else to fall back on. God is all you have.

Jesus told us blessed are the poor. And we think it is a beautiful saying and give a religious nod to the Teacher, but fail to see that He really means what He says. The poor understand they are powerless to take care of themselves. They recognize their true need.

This new chapter opens for us with me struggling to really trust that God considers me of much more value than many sparrows, and wrestling the demons that whisper that we won't have enough.

We have home churched for many months just like the early church in Acts, met with other believers in homes, and prayed and fellowshipped and broke bread. But more and more we felt God was beginning to lead us back to the main stream church. In our home church, we did not think much of our appearance. We did not dress up, but came in jeans and t-shirts and sometimes with husbands right off of work and even still a bit dirty and that was just fine. Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart....

Yesterday, though, we went to visit a church and filled a whole pew with us and our eight children and on the way I fretted that Libby did not have any dresses and that our boys, though dressed in jeans without holes, had no *church clothes* let alone special shoes. I called my mother on the way and expressed my heart and she gave beautiful advice, telling me if anyone had a problem with the way my family was dressed in church, they needed to be there a whole lot more than we did.

And I know, of course, that she's right and that she was Jesus' mouth piece to a frazzled mama who was concerned about the very things Jesus said that the gentiles worry about.

I think about George Mueller, great man of faith and prayer, and how God met His needs, always. He made his needs not known to fellow man, but only to God, and God always blessed.

Can I believe He will do the same for me and my family?

{Prayers are coveted, kind friends. Usually, I share my posts through facebook, sometimes through other avenues as well. But this post, being as close to my heart as it is, I am going to just leave alone here, trusting that only God will direct the souls who might read it.}


  1. Praying for your unspoken thoughts.

  2. can i whisper a little thank you? this post speaks to me. so much.

    "I said I was trusting God would always provide, but the truth is that you never really know if you are completely trusting in God's provision until you discover you have nothing else to fall back on. God is all you have."
    oh, how i know this. yes, yes. we have been there, so recently, nothing else to fall back on. some days, we are still there. but oh, how good He is. always.

    "we went to visit a church and filled a whole pew with us and our eight children"

    and this, how often this has happened to us, with our six. and no one talks to you (at least to us) because they are... intimidated? disgusted? i don't know... but it is so. hard.

    your words are just what i needed today. and i will pray for you. and yes, i know because He always does the same for our family, He will do the same for yours. love to you.

  3. Your new state of finances might just lead to a new state of trust in God.

    Prayers for this journey.

  4. I completely understand your struggles. My own similar path is way too long to write in this little rectangle, but just know I am praying for you, that He will make so real, so tangible His goodness for you and your family. May you be filled with Truth in these days. (If I can dredge up old journal, I can find what He used to increase my faith--well, uses. Everytime one job ends for K we have to trust for the next one and the income. Sometimes this can happen as much as eight times a year, like last year, which I mention just to say that I do walk with you.) Love you sister!

  5. My husband is a pastor and was without call for 18 months. It was a scary time, but ultimately, I learned where my true trust lay (not where I'd thought). God was gracious and generous. May He be the same for you.

  6. This post was featured at the High Calling, "Around the Network"

    Of the thousands of posts among 1,700 bloggers, we selected just 10 to highlight last month.


  7. Prayers for you during the transition. It's a tough time for many economically, so know that you are not alone.

    On another matter, I couldn't help but smile at the idea of your mother being the mouthpiece of Jesus. I have this image of a big Jazz Trumpet Jesus, waiting for Christians to come along and play the role of Louis Armstrong...

  8. Prayer for grace and peace during these uncertain days . . .

  9. Your heart poured out just stirred mine (tears). You let it go from the heart and it called out and wrote on my heart. I say I trust--but now, I must stop and consider: Do. I. really. trust. God?

    By the way, those of us in the church house need your family without the "church clothes" to sit in the aisle in front of us! We need to learn from you, from Christ through you. If He sent you to church, go for Him, and know that He has purpose in it for everyone.


  10. you know you're in my prayers weekly, amy. God's work is always good, though it stretches way beyond what we want, right? :)

    Love your faith and your tender heart.

    And congratulations on having your post selected!

  11. Oh girl ... So glad I've found you through The High Calling.

    May God --
    the God who clothes the flowers and
    who dresses the spring trees and
    who robes the skies in rosy hues --
    may this God provide you
    with everything you need. Everything.

    Hugs to you, a sister I've never met but whose heart I already love ...

  12. I would love to have you post your story on my blog on Tuesday's. I do a link up called "Gateways to Joy." The name comes from Elisabeth Elliot's radio program, 'Gateway to Joy.' One thing I can tell you is that "Anything if given to God can become our gateway to joy."

    My story this week on the gateways to joy talks dealt with financial issues and my post today sort of dealt with it.

    As hard as it may be. "Live in this moment and appreciate it, and let it become your gateway to joy."



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