Last night, I couldn't sleep. Literally. I laid in bed for HOURS, with my eyes closed, exhausted, and couldn't fall asleep. As I would begin to drift, my whole body would involuntarily jerk, startling me. This happened over and over. So, since I couldn't sleep, I did what I always do.
I prayed. For hours. For every person God brought to my mind. Friends, family, relationships. I prayed for myself. I begged God to just let me sleep, knowing the morning would come too soon and there are people in this home who need me.
I think it was a little after 4 a.m. when sleep finally came. I remember hearing stirring in the house a few hours later, children waking up, playing, laughter... bowls being clanged down on the table, the dinging of spoons in the kitchen sink... arguing. Trever's voice, moderating it all. It sounded very far away.
I felt like I could not move a muscle.
I have never felt quite this tired before. Ever. Not even after giving birth.
I did not get out of bed until almost 2 p.m. And I am still tired.
I wonder about sleep. Why can it be so hard to sleep when you are so tired?
I know God is here. I don't understand what He is doing. Perhaps that is when faith is most tested- when we don't understand.
But I know one day, the mysteries will be explained, the questions answered, the tears wiped away, the exhaustion gone forever. I believe.
And I wait.