Me, sometimes I get on a roll and seem to have a lot to say for a while. But, inevitably, I go through seasons where I just don't feel like I have a whole lot to say that is worthwhile. And sometimes, I just don't feel very good. Chronic illness has a way of draining you from time to time.
God is good to me. I am profoundly grateful for His provision. He has given us enough, every month, to pay our bills and provide for our basic necessities. Yes, things have been tight lately. Trever has been applying to what seems like hundreds of jobs, and... nothing yet. Still, we have a roof over our head, electricity, water, groceries. I have never gone hungry a single day in my life. And neither have my children.
I have never had to go to sleep wondering how I was going to feed my babies. Yes, I have wondered how we were going to afford a birthday gift or new clothes or shoes to replace the worn out ones. But even then, God has always provided and really? don't I have a tremendous amount of things to be grateful for?
I am sick. Being sick is hard, I'm not going to lie. Having so many physical limitations can be truly humbling. But don't I have a tremendous amount of things to be grateful for? I have a warm, soft bed to rest in when I am tired, a husband who works hard to take care of me, sometimes coming home from working a shift to prepare a dinner I could not make. I have access to medical care, medication, and hot water to soothe aches and pains.
There are so many who do not have these things.
I suppose, in all of life, we have a choice. We can focus on what we have, or we can focus on what we don't.
I believe that sometimes, the things we want- whether that is more money or health or security- those things are perhaps not as effective at bringing us close to our Lord's side. My lack has caused me to press closer to Him, close enough that I could hear His heartbeat. And along with being encouraged to be content with what I have, my eyes have seen through His...
Do you know what I see? I see that He comforts me in order to enable me to comfort others. He provides for me and asks me to help others, that others may be able to feed their families, pay their bills. There are not too many people in this world, not too few resources... It's just that those who have need to distribute, need to *share* what they have with those who do not have.
The key, for me, to not being overwhelmed by chronic illness, is to simply take one day at a time. Being patient, allowing God to work His will into my life, has been challenging at times. This illness, in terrific irony, has taught me better how to trust God.
"Nothing shows our ignorance so much as our impatience under trouble. We forget that every trial is a message from God and intended to do us good in the end. Trials make us think, wean us from the world, send us to the Bible, drive us to our knees. Health is a good thing. But sickness is better, if it leads us to God. Prosperity is a great mercy. But adversity is a greater one, if it brings us to Christ." ~ Ryle
My greatest temptation is to become discouraged by my limitations, because there is so much more I want to do for God. I see needs all around me, and feel limited by my health and lack of finances. So I press closer to His heart, and I listen for what He would have me do. My lack drives me to Him, where there is endless supply.
And dear ones, His plan is never overwhelming, when lived out moment by moment, in His power. He gives more grace. For each need, each day, each hour.
Always, always grace.