Friday, August 2, 2013

Hard Stops

You may have noticed it's been a bit quiet here at the blog lately. {Then again, you might actually have a life and you might not have noticed at all, which is also fine.}It's been the same over on my Facebook page. 

Partly, it's because I haven't felt well. 

It would seem the mother-of-all-flu-viruses hit my home, and while I was able to stay well long enough to tend to everyone else, I got it in the end, worse than everyone put together. I barely left my bed, except to visit the toilet {for myriad unpleasant reasons} for six straight days. I struggled to keep anything down and resorted, finally, to Campbell's chicken noodle soup and Saltines.

I am finally {mostly} recovered. I actually joined my family at the pool this afternoon and floated around in the glorious sunshine, enjoying perhaps one out of a small handful of summer days here in the South with no rain.

But it's also partly because I haven't felt like arguing. 

I occasionally scan through my Facebook feed and feel too weary to engage. Sometimes, bickering over trivial things is what conversation distills down into these days, and I find I don't have the energy to spare. I'd rather preoccupy myself with living. I'm tired, and it's the little things that are really the big things, I'm thinking.

I am trying to nourish my spirit and find some rhythm to my days. Just the basics.

So, for dinner tonight, we ate barbecued chicken with baked beans and corn. I drank a beer. My husband painted my toenails in a color I bought recently which is called Saucy. It looks a lot like Dorothy's ruby slippers and is a redder shade than I'd normally opt for, but I was feeling, well, saucy, when I picked it out. He re-did the big toenail on my right foot five times trying to get it perfect, and it still isn't, but I look at my saucy toes and know I'm loved by a very kind man, and I'm happy.

He and I went to the DMV today to renew his driver's license and we giggled together at the bad picture he is now stuck with for five years. We took the baby with us and she and I waited in the van while Trever took care of business. She fell asleep in her car seat and I nibbled Chex Mix while reading through the book of Matthew.

I helped my teenage son set up a Twitter account. That boy is fifteen years old now and is fast becoming my friend, not simply my son. I marveled today, listening to him play his guitar. His strum pattern sounds so similar to his father's, and he is almost the age that Trever was when he and I met....

I took a hot shower this evening and rubbed a lovely almond scented lotion into my skin, which absorbed it like a sponge, parched and thirsty. I put on my old, comfy Tom's tee shirt and my yoga pants, climbed into bed, and pulled soft, cottony quilts up to my chin, which were newly laundered and smelled of fabric softener.

Poor Ella Grace is teething, and while she has the sunniest disposition of any baby I've ever met, it is clear she is quite miserable. Some baby Tylenol and lots of cold things help, but I will be glad when it is over for her. I can see two teeth fully broken through, one on top and one on bottom, and at least one other that is close to making its debut as the top tooth's twin. My sister painted her wee little toenails last weekend and I can't help but grin every time they peek out from under her blanket. Baby feet really are one of God's nicest ideas.

I ordered a bible study workbook to go through with a friend. I opted for the slower, less expensive shipping option, so hopefully late next week or so we can begin. The stack of books on my nightstand keeps evolving, but I have found that occasionally there are times when you need to shelve the stack and revisit it later. I've started reading the gospels again. I wonder if we can hear His Voice best when we don't have so many other voices shouting for our attention.

I'm going to bed early tonight and sleeping in late tomorrow morning and lazily sipping coffee in my pajamas until noon if I feel like it. I'm meditating on the sermon on the mount and smiling at the flowers meant to cheer me up sitting on my bookshelf. I'm writing more with pen and ink and less by tapping letters on a keyboard; looking at more sunsets and less at screens.

And really? I'm feeling pretty at peace about it all. I'd imagine sometimes we all need to make hard stops and say nothing so we eventually have something worthwhile to say. So, I'm off to do that.

Happy Weekending, friends. 

~amy danielle

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