Fragilely

I've been plugging along here in this space, trying to write at least three times a week. Today I didn't do much of anything. But I was rather productive yesterday.

I managed to get showered and dressed and then went to have my hair cut and toes done. I grocery shopped and came home and chopped vegetables and made potato salad and fixed dinner. I finally sank my sore body into a hot tub with the brand new bubble bath I bought that had lovely things in like ylang ylang and lavender. And I tried to talk to my husband about some things that have me concerned but instead we argued and I cried and cried.

I got my feelings hurt on Sunday when we gathered with our church group, and even though I knew nobody meant anything ugly by it, it stung. I struggle to get myself up and dressed and go out anyplace, especially if it is cold, and it had better be something worthwhile if I am going somewhere after 5 p.m. Our group is one of those open-for-discussion, share where you are kind of groups. But I guess I share a little too much and a little too often. This reenforces my idea that seeing a therapist is probably a good idea. I don't mean to dump everything out on everyone, I never want to be that person. But I am not in a good place, I am incredibly fragile, and it makes spending time with people and saying anything a tremendous risk for me emotionally.

I don't want to go any more and at the same time I recognize I'm being ridiculous.

I slept almost all day today and I still feel exhausted. I was supposed to drive to Savannah today and pick up my prescription slips from my rheumatologist, but there was just no way I was up for it today. We may as well wait for Thursday anyway, when we get paid and can afford the gas for our ginormous vehicle.

I asked Trever to buy me a vanilla milkshake tonight. I haven't had one in an age. My dad used to buy them for us with our french fries and we would dip our fries into the ice cream. And I finally called my Aunt Carol last night. I asked her if we could hit a sort of a reset button on our relationship and she agreed, though said she preferred the term refresh. This made me smile.

I am hoping for a better day tomorrow and greatly looking forward to this weekend, when we can drive down to Florida and spend some time with my family.

Fragilely,
Amy