Friday, August 7, 2015

Sincere Incohesive

I finished reading The Power of Your Words, by Robert Morris. All I can say really is I am glad I read it. It has made me much more mindful about the words I speak, the power words have to build up and encourage or tear down and destroy. I think that's a pretty important message.

Lately, I have been feeling so GOOD. I am so grateful for that. I have a tendency to overdo it when I am feeling good; I've been in my bed for nearly three years and now, all of a sudden, I am up and all over the place! I need to pace myself, I guess, but I just want to jump for JOY! The doctors say I have an incurable disease but it sure doesn't feel that way right now.

Sometimes I think I come here, or write in my gazillion journals, because I have so many words that they spill out, and honestly, I think they are a little overwhelming for my dear Trever. It's like I have mania all of a sudden. A holy fool. But it is like fire within me; I have to get it out lest I burn up and am consumed.

God is real. I know a lot of people don't think so, and I respect that. I just know it in my inmost being, I hear Him speak. Some might call that schizophrenia. :) But I really do hear voices, down deep in my heart. It isn't audible, it's a spirit thing, but I cannot deny it. He is there, and He loves me. He loves you too, dear reader.

I worry too much about my purpose. I don't want to squander talents. But I am going to leave that alone for a bit and keep it simple: Love God and love people. I've had a hard time loving people. Come to find out, it's because I wasn't loving God very well. Seems when I get that right, the people thing follows naturally. I try hard to fix things. I am a fixer, a nurturer, I want everyone to be okay and happy. But I have no power to do that. God does, so I go to Him, over and over. Only He heals, only He can intervene into our myopic worlds and provide whatever that thing is that we need most, and usually it's unconditional love.

I actually start to die, spiritually and physically, when I am not connected to Him intimately. In His presence is fullness of joy, joy that shines bright, even in a darkened room.

This post is not exactly cohesive, but it is sincere. These are the current thoughts of my heart.

~Amy xo

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