Acedia

Lately, I have been feeling, well... Meh. Just searching for the words to describe where I am at can feel exhausting. The best word I could find was acedia. And then, as I was reading through some blogs I frequent, looking for something to uplift, edify, identify with. I found this.

a lovely weekend, full of activity, but i mustn't forget that busyness often weakens my resolve and focus. the busier i am, the more people i come in contact with, the more prone i am to indiscretion, foolish talking. it is not a matter of pious control, but of faithful discipline. i have committed myself to speaking love. i must choose to do so in all circumstances. i must learn to be quieter as i become busier.

despite my frustrations with circumstances at home and with my own failures, i cannot spiral into discouragement or lethargy. acedia lurks. there is only one focus i can allow myself today: the duties and ministry of this home and family, attended to with all the gentleness and love i can manage through Christ. i must not become distracted or allow my mind and effort to be wasted on my own pleasure and ease. there is work to be done here - vital work! i cannot miss opportunities to bind up wounded spirits, to bring some light and joy into otherwise stressful situations, to encourage those who are weary in well-doing. love must be spoken, displayed, proclaimed into the physical spaces we inhabit. i must introduce grace and gentleness, hope and purity in an audible, visual, tangible way.

"Not to give way, in moments of fatigue or sadness, to the temptation to slacken my efforts; to remain valiant at whatever sacrifice...Never may any soul hold back discouraged from mine because agitations and worldly complications have hidden the way of approach; may my soul be as smiling as my lips toward all and may Thy Word, O God, inspire my humble word and make it fruitful." E. Leseur



today i resolve to:

■pray the Hours
■give thanks on the hour (wear watch and set alarm)
■work diligently to restore order and beauty to the house
■touch and hug each member of the family to bring connectedness and give affection
■listen carefully and give full attention to anyone who speaks to me today
■speak only life-giving words no matter how provoked or weary (or to remain silent if necessary)
■pray for others whose burdens are heavier than my own

And it describes every thing I am feeling so much better than I can right now.

And it also gives me a strange sense of hope.