Not feeling very inspired these days.
Well, that is only partly true.
I am feeling inspired about all kinds of things, but I am lacking motivation. And I feel like no matter how hard I might try, I can't get to where I need to be.
The *where* is always varied. It seems to be an unreachable, unattainable standard. It exists only in my mind apparently. Like, I need to get to the place where my house is organized. Or where my kids are all well behaved. (Or potty trained!!) Or where I am just not so tired any more and actually have some energy for a change. Once I get my health under control... Once I get right with God....
I look over my life and get frustrated, because, although I am making progress in some of these areas, it is painfully slow. And honestly, I get sick of struggling.
There is that part of me that just wishes life was easy.
And I can't seem to get to that place where all is right in my little world.
I struggle. I get frustrated. I sin. Sometimes a lot.
Then I am even more discouraged, because for heaven's sake, shouldn't I know better by now? Why do I keep making the same mistakes?
I know I need God, that He is the only one who can fill me up. I feel empty sometimes. And I look for ways to fill up the emptiness, and they aren't always good either. Sometimes seeking God is hard. Worthwhile, yes, of course. But hard.
My dad puts a funny spin on an old adage when he says, "No pain, no pain."
It's true. I know that the true saying is "no pain, no gain." I avoid pain. Even when it's good for me sometimes.
I want to get physically fit by napping with babies. Changing diapers is my cardio. Except, it doesn't work that way. Effort really is required.
Same thing with spiritual things. I can't grow without struggling. I can't change without trying every. single. day.
Sometimes, though it is not a popular idea with our culture, sometimes it is NOT all about my feelings.
I can't recall a Bible verse that gives the condition "if you feel like it...". Nope. But I seem to recall something in there about denying yourself. Crucifying your flesh. Being dead to sin and alive to Christ. Offering your body as a living sacrifice....
I have a feeling the kind of sacrifices He is calling for go way past the occasional letting-your-hubby-have-the-last-cookie-even-though-you-really-want-it kind of sacrifice. I mean, granted, that's nice. But I'm thinking, for me, that kind of denying self seeps over into the way I spend my money, the way I dress, and the way I talk to my kids when they make me mad enough to make my head pop off.
The way I am trying to live a one piece kind of life. Weaving Jesus into every thought, every decision, every word, every action. All day. Every day.
I'm thinking, that is what following Christ really is all about.
And I want to. Even more than taking naps. (That's saying a lot some days!)
Life is not always easy. In fact, the longer I am on this planet the more I realize it is almost never easy. Hardly anything of value comes without effort.
Knowing God, being a Christ-follower, takes energy, commitment, effort, work, love....
But it is worth it.
Jesus is worth it all.