Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Hard Grace

I am tired. I am having such a hard time feeling motivated for anything. I look around and see so many things I should do, so many things I want to do. In theory.

Some days, I am quite at peace about being sick. I have flare-ups occasionally, I hurt, I ache. I get stiff and sometimes struggle to use my hands or wrists. I have come to accept this as part of life.

It is this tiredness, it saps my strength. I go to bed utterly exhausted, and wake up not much rested. I sleep well, but never seem to feel better. I have developed these hideous dark cirles around my eyes, and my eyelids are discolored. I look sick. I know I am, but now I even look it.

My poor sister came to visit me a couple weekends ago, and she did not quite know what to say or do for me. I can make myself fairly presentable, when I go out. I put on make-up. I can hide the sick, but I can not hide the tired. It shows through, no matter what I do.

My body is exhausted. But my mind, it is restless. And all the things that I usually look to as an outlet for my thoughts- reading, writing, drawing- they all seem to require too much energy. I can't seem to want to anyway.

I try to pray. I do pray- feebly. I haven't been reading so many of the books on my shelves, but I read my Bible. I look for Jesus, every day. Here. In this hard season. I come to the end of myself. He is there. He is always here. And he is enough.

Grace can be a hard lesson to learn.

But His grace is sufficient. And in my weakness, He is strong.

To Him be all the glory.


  1. (((Hugs))) His grace is indeed, sufficient. You know I am praying for you, sweet friend. XOX

  2. What's wrong honey?!?!? Praying. Love you. Traci

  3. I can relate to the going to bed exhausted and sleeping well but waking up unrefreshed. Mine is probably from my adrenal fatigue. Like you said, His grace is sufficient :) Praising Him with you!

  4. (((Amy))) can I just tell you that I keep you in my prayers. When I pray you come into my mind often you know.
    I have struggled a little with similar symptoms due to thyroid and iron deficiency. It got so bad a few years ago I could barely do anything.
    Have you had blood tests for these?
    Wish I could give you a real life hug.
    You have such an amazing faith and I know that will keep you strong.
    God Bless

  5. Again, I just have to thank you for this post. I am right there with you. Exactly. I hope find some relief.


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